Paul's Friday 13th
by Argento
Summary: Life as Paul Callan could be understandably difficult... Add the unluckiest day of the entire year... you now have chaos! Little short and practice fic!


Paul's Friday 13th

Hey, this is just a little short silly thing I came up with. It's not a serious story and the characters are slightly OOC to the realm of comedy. First attempt at a Miracles fic!  

"_Brrinng"_

Paul glared sleepily at the cause of his apparent consciousness. Lazily he rolled out of bed and was surprised by a ray of blinding light. 

"Oh no!" 

Scrambling hastily around his apartment and pulling on whatever clothes he could find on the correct body parts Paul sprinted from the door of his room and ran straight into his elderly neighbour.

"AHHHHH!" Mr Murdoch screamed and trained to regain his balance.

"Oh noo! Sorry!!" Paul quickly apologised and jogged to the elevator.

"Alva's gonna slaughter me" he murmured watching the numbers glow as the elevator slowly, very slowly, arrived at his floor. Stepping into the small box he pressed the button for the ground floor and smiled with relief.  Rocking on the balls of his feet, his relief suddenly stopped. 

As did the elevator.

"Help?" he asked the empty compartment. It was disinclined to acquiesce to his request. "This cannot be happening"

It took three hours for the engineer to locate the problem and sort it, freeing Paul from his temporary zoo cage. Fuming he strode to SQ to be greeted by the unsmiling face of Alva Keel.

"Good morning, or should I say afternoon, Mr Callan" Paul stared at him. Mentally wincing of course. "I'm very sorry that you had to drag yourself out of bed and ruin your beauty sleep but there are other people in the world apart from you who require the services of a Paranormal Investigator. I'm going to pretend that is you."  Alva continued, his voice lowering and becoming more acidic with every syllable.

Paul stared at him in disbelief. "This cannot be happening!" he mentally groaned "I need to go back to bed"

"And another thing!" Alva interrupted Paul's mental whining "You are quite well aware that pyjama tops don't make suitable t-shirts?"

"No!" Paul doubtfully looked down to see the happy faces of his cuddly teddy top. Alva raised an eyebrow and glanced sceptically

"I thought so"

"This has got to be the worst day of my life" Paul banged his head of the wooden desk. 

"Hey… Morning Paul… What are you doing?" Evie smiled reassuringly which roughly translated as 'You psycho! Stop!'. Paul glanced up at her

"I'm committing suicide" he wearily said "Anything has got to be better than the day that has happened so far!"

"What on earth are you talking about?" Evie sat on the desk and peered at Paul

"First I nearly kill my elderly neighbour by almost knocking him down three flights of stairs. He's probably going to sue which is just great considering the pay check in this place! Secondly I got trapped in the elevator for three hours when it happily decided 'Oh he's gonna have a bad day! Let's make it worse!'. Then Mr-I'm-Too-Sexy-For-A-Bit-Of-Sympathy has a giant stick stuck up his backside! And last, but by certainty no means least, I find out I am wearing BEAR PYJAMAS! AHHH!"

"There, there" Evie fiddled absently with his Paul's hair "its ok Puppy"

He turned his head slightly and looked at her wearily.

"Evie?"

"Yes? Can I help you with anything? Anything at all" her eyes flashed dangerously

Paul groaned and resumed the musical banging of his head.

"I need a break!" Paul muttered storming from the large room where his colleague had now begun growling "seductively" 

Paul wondered throughout the office rooms in the SQ building that he hadn't fully appreciated before. One was completely empty with its own bathroom cubicle attached. "And if I ever get through this day I will so be asking to be moved in there". Paul walked cautiously into the pale green and yellow bathroom, there was a small sink, a toilet and a bath with a large red curtain pulled over.

"Come and smile, don't be shy, touch my bum this is life! We are the Cheeky Girls. We are the Cheeky Girls. You are the Cheeky Boys. You are the Cheeky boys!"

Paul's eyes widened in fright, shock, and disgust. Mostly disgust, but fright and shock did have their fair share in the eye-widening process. Half of his body was saying that much quiet fleeing was in order, while another portion was afraid that any motion might cause him to wet his pants; and then there was a tiny little squeak from the back saying that here was some perfect blackmail material, but that voice was quickly beaten up and gagged by the other two. It persisted, but found it rather hard to speak through cloth, leaving the other two to arm-wrestle for dominance. 

In the end, the portion that said freeze won. 

As the argument was finally settled, the hiss sharply cut off, leaving only the sound of whatever horrible British song reaching his ears in a rather off-key fashion. There were a few soft sounds from inside the bath including some yelps of pain he would rather know nothing about. Finally, the door opened, and out came a curling cloud of steam. 

Followed promptly by Alva Keel wearing nothing but water. 

There was a brief, odd pause between them. Paul suddenly understood how it felt to be a contractor who had just demolished the roof of someone's house, only to have the owner come out and inform them rather quietly that he was supposed to rip off the next-door-neighbour's roof. Then suddenly, Alva decided that informing quietly was no longer an option. 

"PAUL!" He roared hastily grabbing a small towel. It didn't manage to… cover Alva which led to another slightly odd pause. 

"I WILL KILL YOU CALLAN!" Alva launched himself at a fleeting Paul whose legs had suddenly decided to work.

Paul walked into the main section of SQ. Evie grinned at him. Paul strode past and ignored her, walked straight to the table, sat down rigidly and began to pound his head repeatedly of the table

"Uh Paul?" Evie quizzically smiled "What happened?"

"Kill me…" he muttered 

"Huh?"

"I've been scared for life…" 

"Why what happened?" Evie sat on his lap

Paul patted her head hopelessly "Evie, Evie… so innocent… you are so better of not knowing."

 "Cheer up sweetie! Your day couldn't get any worse"

Paul stared at her. He slept in.  Neighbour almost toppled. Elevator decided to trap him. Alva was mean. He walked across town wearing a top with cuddly bears with pink balloons on it. Evie is trying to seduce him. Alva in NAKED GLORY! 

"Yes it could."

Paul glanced from his resigned position at the calendar. Friday the bloody thirteenth. 

"Please don't tell me you believe in that terrible day on Friday 13th nonsense" Alva walked in towelling his hair. Paul stared at him. Alva laughed a cruel and evil laugh.

"Brrrrinngg!"

Paul shot out of bed in a sweat staring at the alarm clock. 7 am! He grinned and stared around his room. 

"Oh look Alva he's awake!" Evie cried from somewhere beside him

"Where am I?" He tried to sit up

"SQ" Alva answered studying his expression

"Oh good I was on a mission and got hurt? It's not Friday 13th is it?"

Evie and Alva swapped puzzled glances 

"No… its Saturday 14th of February… you passed out last night for some reason… are you ok?" Evie put her hand to his forehead

"It's Valentines day?!!" Paul exclaimed "NOOOO!"

The End…

When will the torture end for him, eh? This was written in about an hour so I apologise now for anything badly holed. The song Mr Keel was singing is "The Cheeky Song" by the Cheeky Girls (I wasn't sure if they have them in America! Lucky gits if you don't!). Can I just stress this is a completely uncharacterised story and the characters are intentionally odd. Really! I will write another story with them normal… 

Sorta…


End file.
